Southwest Sierra #71 — We Are Each Other’s Angels, Part 2

My perception is that Mom’s illness was hardest on Dad and her parents (Grandma & Grandpa Rodriquez); as heartbroken as my brothers and I were, I believe that their pain was even worse. To a large extent, taking care of Mom was the easier part of our lives, because taking care of her was much more straightforward than dealing with our dysfunctional families. We had all kinds of family drama happening during those years. “When it rains it pours”. My elderly father-in-law was having serious health problems and died in 1993 leaving my mother-in-law needing help. We ended up on weekend duty with her in Nevada City, while another caregiver (Kathryn Chandler) helped Dad in Alleghany on weekends. During the week, I did day shift with Mom and Dad had night shift. We were living in the rustic cabin conveniently located next to my parents’ house at 505 Miners Street.

The experience became a lesson in learning to ask for help, and help came in many different forms: Sierra County’s In Home Supportive Services was quick to sign me up for hours and I actually got paid for some of the time spent taking care of Mom. Later, we also got hours for another helper as mentioned above. Mom’s old friend Valorie (aka Star Lady*) sent inspiring letters, notes and cards. A massage therapist and her husband became close friends of ours and their friendship provided a healthy diversion that even included an occasional massage! Our dentist at the time came to Alleghany to deal with some cavities that Mom had and refused payment. He let me bring him a rock for his rock garden as payment. Many friends and family members helped in so many ways, it is impossible to list them all.

Always one to look for “silver linings,” I remember at one point, near the end of Mom’s life, I had a deep realization that taking care of her had made me stronger than I would have ever become otherwise. I felt that the experience was helping me become “who I am.” I decided to share this with Grandma Rodriquez. I know that phone call helped Grandma. She paraphrased a bible verse saying: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Not long after the “take a deep breath” experience with Mom, she started having seizures and her health declined even more rapidly. One morning, she looked me in the eyes and for the first time in ages I saw lucidity there. She said: “Spiritually we are sisters, we will always be sisters.” That is the last thing that my mother’s mouth ever said to me. Teresa the nurse got her switched to hospice care later that week. Aunt Ingrid and Eydie got a room at the Northern Queen and came to Alleghany during the day for several days. The night that Mom died we had a little slumber party around her hospital bed, with Dad and 10-year-old Wyatt and my aunts. Seven years after the symptoms began, in the wee hours of November 13, 1995, Mom left her mortal coil behind. She was 50 years old.

Oddly, at that time, a doctor named Eileen Shapiro was living next door on a part time basis. I say “oddly” because Mom’s sister Eileen was her only sister who was not able to be there. Dr. Eileen Shapiro signed off on the death certificate so that no visit from the sheriff/coroner was necessary. Others who have experienced the “long goodbye” know that sometimes death comes as a relief, and this was certainly the case with Mom. I am forever grateful for having been able to be there for her and for all the “angels” who seemed to show up at just the right time.

During the slumber party at Mom’s dying bedside, I shared what Mom had recently said to me about being spiritual sisters. Dad was surprised, he said: “She told me almost the same thing! That I am her spiritual brother.” We figured out that she spoke to us the same morning, she spoke to him before he left for the day. It was a small miracle.

*This month’s issue of High Country Life published by Feather River Publishing Co. Inc. features an article about Portola’s Star Lady. She is one and the same as my “Star Lady” now 82 years and still at it.