Once you move into the mountains—yes, full-time—you start missing some of the conveniences you once had, like Japanese food, reliable Wi-Fi, and the ability to get anything delivered. But you also start appreciating everything you gain: nature, clean air, fresh produce, and good neighbors (though it’s still too early to be sure, so don’t make me change my mind).

Speaking of neighbors, in my last column, I mentioned our furry, adorable, yet undeniably intimidating bear-neighbor, who unfortunately had to take a trip to “the farm.” While it made a few unannounced appearances on my front porch, I never found its presence odd or weird—again, it’s a forest; they literally live in our backyards.

As someone who has had awful neighbors in the past — and probably been an awful neighbor myself for occasionally playing Juan Gabriel’s greatest hits way too loud and too often — you’d think we’d improve once our unneighborly conduct is pointed out. Maybe I’m too naive and still have faith in humanity—but that’s debatable.

Unfortunately, while we tried to make our little bear friend understand, it didn’t have it in its nature. But perhaps we humans might have it and can learn a thing or two from our departed neighbor’s so-called bad behavior. Note that these are my personal thoughts about what could make you a bad neighbor, so don’t take it too personally.

Unwelcome solicitors: Unless you’re the sheriff or providing emergency services (saving my soul doesn’t count), there’s no reason to be at my door at any time—don’t make me use my air horn on you.

Trespassing: If you’re standing on two legs, you’re not allowed on the premises.

Don’t break into other people’s cars: Whether it’s for an apple or a phone with an Apple logo, this kind of behavior will be reported to the authorities. Practice some self-control and walk away; it shouldn’t be in your nature.

Cameras: Apparently, everyone has them. Whatever annoying acts you commit will end up on our local Facebook page, so let’s save ourselves from secondhand embarrassment.

Uninvited guests: Just like bears, don’t show up uninvited to the picnic or party. People will freeze, feel uncomfortable, and have no option but to feed you.

I hope this bear’s journey wasn’t in vain and we can all learn something. If this behavior is deemed unacceptable for an animal that doesn’t understand our rules, what’s our excuse? For now, locals, old-timers, newcomers, tourists, and visitors from other galaxies, let’s pretend it’s a forest and accept that sometimes nature won’t adapt to our human ways.

This column is aimed at helping tourists, wanderers, allies from outer space, and new transplants like myself understand what it truly means to live in or visit the forest. I aim to cover a range of topics, from wildlife encounters to fire safety, local customs, and diverse perspectives—all infused with a touch of humor, wit, and local insight.