Looking Back

My grandson William turned 15 this week. Looking back to when his mother, Brooke, was 15 and even further back to my own 15th birthday conjures a host of memories. For me, it meant a level of independence by getting a driver’s permit. For my daughter, she gained a sense of independence by going away to boarding school. For William, his sense of independence comes from having an iPhone that links him to the wider world, enabling him to communicate in ways previous generations could only imagine. It is a paradox that the cell phone—an amazing tool for connection between people-- can create a barrier to communication between children and their parents, particularly when there isn’t a strong emotional connection at home. Fortunately, there is no wall of silence between William and his parents.

When my daughters were growing up, the more emotional conversations were usually between them and their mother. A day doesn’t go by that one of my girls isn’t reminded of their late mom: some special moment or event—it might be an issue at work or even a fashion piece on Instagram. When I was 15, I recall there was a lot of emotional turmoil rather than emotional connection. There was no love displayed by my father. It was an impenetrable wall of silence between us. Rather, it was my mother who provided all of the emotional support. When my mother was unable to intervene between me and my father, my relationship with him toward the end of his life turned to hostility as it did with my brother and sister before me. That is why I am happy to see such a closeness between William and his own parents. The wall of silence is reduced to rubble.